Introverts convince themselves that loneliness is the price they pay for the solitude they crave. On the other hand, sometimes the loneliest place is the centre of a crowd or in a group of friends. Loneliness does not discriminate.
It is said when the student is ready the teacher will arrive. Books are my teachers. In this case, Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World by Vivek Murthy who was the was the Surgeon General of the US under Barack Obama.
Vivek unpacks loneliness in his new book and the statistics he reveals are horrifying: loneliness is not just painful; it manifests as epidemics, drug and alcohol addiction, violence, depression, anxiety and premature death. It affects us physically and mentally.
Loneliness impacts our health, the way we experience school, how we perform at work and polarization in society. Humans have an innate desire to connect, forge lasting bonds with like-minded people and build communities. Yet people are feeling increasingly disconnected, in spite of the promise of technology to unite people across the globe.
Loneliness was a problem long before COVID; lockdown just revealed how lonely many people are. Lockdown forces us to stay indoors, we cannot connect with family and friends except on a screen; when we do venture out we have to hide behind masks and practise social distancing. Is it any wonder that solitary confinement is a punishment for offending inmates?
Anyone who has experienced loneliness will know that shame is the companion to loneliness. That is why people who are lonely don’t speak up. They feel ashamed – that they are not worthy to be part of certain groups and they believe the debilitating lie that they are somehow inferior to those who are able to form friendships easily and are always surrounded by people.
It is a subject Vivek understands well. He shares his deeply personal experiences in this book – from struggling with loneliness in school, to the devastating loss of his uncle who succumbed to loneliness, as well as the important example of community and connection that his parents modelled.
“The good news is that with awareness of the causes of our loneliness, comes creative solutions to help ourselves and those we love to create more connected lives,” says Vivek.
Together is full of inspiring and encouraging stories of heroes who are making great strides in helping us to understand that we are not alone and who are working hard to bring people together.
The lessons in Together are particularly relevant now and Vivek prescribes four key strategies to help us weather this crisis and build a more connected world; one that moves away from the obsession with likes, shares and followers.
Together is available from Takealot for R579, Exclusive Books for R571 and Loot for R553.
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About the Author
Terrena Rathanlall is a media officer at Fetola.
