Do other people have power over us? We know the answer should be no, but the reality is they do.

The Power of the Other is written by acclaimed leadership expert and psychologist, Dr Henry Cloud. In it he identifies the key ingredients for personal and professional well-being: relationships.

“You may want to go to the next level in life or you just want to make sure you get as far as you can go. In either case, you want to surpass your current limit, your current reality. How that is actually done is the subject of this book: how we become better, how we become more,” says Henry.

He reveals that too many of us align ourselves with the wrong people. But success is about who we allow or who we seek out to have influence and power over us.

According to the author every relationship in our lives falls into one of four categories that he calls connection corners. Three of these categories are unhealthy and must be avoided: the disconnected, the bad connection and the pseudo connection.

In the true connection category are the positive relationships: those in which we can truly be ourselves. These are the ones that matter because we can be open and honest, and we have the freedom to be ourselves. They also give us feedback. Think of a mentor here or a life partner.

Every great leader has had someone who walked alongside them during the toughest times. In a crisis, sometimes we just need someone to listen to us, not judge us for the mistakes we’ve made and say: “We’ve all being there.” It helps us dig deep and make tough decisions.

 “Two realities exist simultaneously: where we are at any given moment, and where we want to be. The space to be negotiated between these two states is the gap. We can’t avoid the gap, but we can decide how we’ll approach it. Do we use the gap as a guide for how to improve or as a judge of how much we’re failing?”

One of the ways we bridge this gap is through feedback. Cloud points out that there is a right and a wrong way to give and receive feedback, but here he emphasises the other half of communication: We need to say it well, and we need to hear it well, even when it’s not said as well as it could be.”

Instead of going through life being feedback averse, we should welcome it.

This book should come with a warning though: it will make you want to go through your contact list, identify toxic relationships and just hit delete.

The Power of the Other is available at Takealot as an ebook for R429, Loot for R314 and at Exclusive Books as a CD for R279.